WWJB? Who Would Jesus Bomb: Moderate Jesus
For our second to final entry in our mini-series on Who Would Jesus Bomb we turn to Moderate Jesus. As you may recall when we previously checked in with Conservative Jesus and then Liberal Jesus, this series takes a look at the stereotypical response of thoughtless folks intent on remaking Jesus in their own political image. This is not about Real Jesus (ie. JC: the final entry in the series will cover our speculation on WW(Real)JB?) Today our task gets the toughest as we tackle Moderate Jesus (or MJ as opposed to JC). Toughest because as Moderates the editors here at RealityBased.Info are as moderate as we can afford to be given the current insanity contolling the White House, so this exercise involves some serious self-critique and willingness to poke fun at ourselves. With that challenge in mind please join us for the Bombing Targets for Moderate Jesus (BTMJ):
Moderate Jesus (MJ) like Adam Sandler's character in Anger Management is above all afraid of rocking the boat or moving anybody out of their comfort zone. Non-confrontational and passive/agressive in the extreme. As a matter of fact the BTMJ is secret and MJ has always denied having one. This is the first time its ever been published (we sent our people in undercover to get it). So when he does (rarely or so he'd have us believe) work up an ire its towards extremists and troublemakers. Conspiracy theorists are near the top his list! The more effective people are at shaking things up the higher they work their way up on the list.
Bombing Targets for Moderate Jesus (BTMJ):
- Real Jesus (way too much of a trouble maker -- crucify him!)
- Conspiracy Theorists
- Fundamentalist Christians
- Fundamentalist Muslims
- Fundamentalist Atheists
- Fundamentalist Secularists
- Evangelical Christians (although milder and somewhat more acceptable than Fundamentalist Christians, the whole "witnessing" with strangers/knocking on doors thing doesn't go down well with Moderate Jesus. Talk about pushing people out of their comfort zone!).
- Dominionists (* Can't say we disagree with him there. Notice that Fundamentalist Christians are not the same as Dominionists although similar and often confused as in Chris Bowers' joke of a series on "NonChristian-Coalition").
- Barbara Boxer
- John Conyers
- Cliff Arnebeck
- Raw Story
- Bob Fitrakis
- David Cobb
- Michael Badnarik
- Ralph Nader
- The whole "Red State" of mind
- Red necks
- KKK *
- Neo-Nazis *
- Neo-Cons (although in some cases like Lieberman they may actually be on Moderate Jesus' saints list)
- Extensive portions of the southern U.S.
- The Bible Belt
- Oliver North (here MJ agrees with LJ)
- G. Gordon Liddy (and again agrees with LJ)
- Revolutionaries (MJ logically should include Founding Fathers, but logic seems to disappear)
- Socialists (almost as bad as Communists)
- Earth First!
- The Sea Shepards
- Anyone ostentatious or audacious who draws too much attention to themselves (ie. Dennis Rodman)
- France (agrees with CJ on this)
- Saddam Hussein (agrees with CJ on this too)
- The Baathists in Iraq and Syria
- Khomenei (posthumously)
- Episcopal Church (for ordaining openly practiciing gays).
- Colorado Springs, Dominionist central.
- Michael Jackson
- Eric Robert Randalph
- Mathew Shepard (posthumously, yes, not his killers, him for stirring up people's emotions so)
- Jessie Jackson
- Newt Gingrich *
- Tom Delay *
- Bill Frist *
- Paul Wolfowitz *
- Bill Kristol *
- Fox News *
- Pope John Paul II (posthumously although MJ is loathe to admit it especially being as non-PC as it is to say just after his passing. CJ and LJ agree - pissed all them off so JPII must have done something right.)
- NHL (due to the lockout: agrees w/ both CJ and LJ on this) *
* (can't say we disagree with MJ there either)
What are your nominations for the BTMJ?